Back To Basics

2010-02-23T14:32:00.000+10:00

Time does not exist, it is but a concept conceived by the mind of humans to make us feel as though we are not so insignificant. We are not important, we are not here to do anything and so we give ourselves purpose by trying to figure out why we are here. Giving ourselves purpose by creating a God that is omnipotent and transcendent to make belief we are protected when we are not.

Nothing you do in life is important unless you believe it is

2010-02-14T17:28:00.000+10:00

2010-02-14T17:27:00.000+10:00

2010-02-11T19:41:00.003+10:00

I feel sick in the stomach, I feel weak and depleted of emotional and physical energy. Everything seems so tasteless perceptually, I've lost all will to try. I have talents but lack the will and motivation to use them and I don't know why. The only thing I really enjoy is listening to instrumental and angry music. I don't know why that is either, I don't really know why I like anything; is it because it is perceptually appealing? Because it sends electric impulses to my brain telling me I should like it? Because I've been conditioned through my upbringing to enjoy certain things but dislike others?

Would we know right from wrong (if there is such a thing) if we were completely untainted with another persons thoughts, morals and beliefs?

2010-02-10T11:38:00.002+10:00

"I have fought on a battlefield of friendly soldiers and in trenches of enemy bases. I have flown futuristic helicopters over oceans to distant islands. I have controlled masses of armies and won battles and wars. I have sword played with a samurai master and won with no injury. I have rocked out on stage in front of a thousand people with my pimped out guitar and drum kit.

I have found treasures and followed maps to uncharted worlds and discovered new people. I have been featured on the cover of Thrashed magazine and won multiple skating tournaments. I have picked up prostitutes, fallen in love, gambled and been involved in various criminal activities. I have raced around the streets of Tokyo in expensive cars and won drag races and trick events.

I have assassinated countless historical icons while still remaining undetected. I have battled with a sword, a key, a wrench, a light saber and with my bare hands. I have rescued many damsels and fought many people. I have knocked giant structures down, and became an Indian warrior. I have been rich and poor, been strong and weak, been marginalized and prioritized, been tortured and teased and been killed and loved. How you ask? I’m a gamer."

- Jonathan Burns, 26th of January 2010

This epitomizes my love of video games as they engulf me into a world of adventure where you're actually fighting for something other than yourself, something other than the daily routine of working and studying.

I JUST WANT THIS

2010-02-09T11:36:00.000+10:00

2010-02-01T21:03:00.001+10:00

My conscious will be the end of me

2010-01-31T23:02:00.002+10:00

I really hate my attempts at photography, please look at these instead:

http://www.chrissearl.com/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/timregard/
http://www.rachelaust.com
http://badenwest.tumblr.com/

2010-01-31T21:37:00.002+10:00

Wake up, bathroom, coffee, iMac, Xbox, work, skate, photograph, eat, sleep.
This cycle will break me, eat away at my common sense and motivation to get anywhere in life but I have no will power to change my current habits. What can you do when the only person to convince is yourself and yet they are the most stubborn of all?

PLEASE WAKE THE FUCK UP.

2010-01-30T22:42:00.001+10:00

2010-01-30T22:35:00.002+10:00

2010-01-30T22:34:00.000+10:00

2010-01-30T22:31:00.004+10:00

2010-01-30T22:31:00.001+10:00

2010-01-25T00:24:00.002+10:00

And yet I thought I knew myself, even after 17 years of existence I still do not understand how or why my mind works the way it does. Why I feel a certain way because of external and internal influences, why my emotions rise and fall as a sun does.

I don't know who I am going to be where I am going and life still does not seem to have purpose yet, the will to live is still on a balanced scale tipped uncontrollably. What is the point to existing? What is the ultimate goal but if not to please ourselves? To be selfish, to be selfish in benefiting others.

Centuries of knowledge still do not have the wisdom to answer the simplest of questions.

I WANT

2010-01-21T22:44:00.001+10:00

OUT, IT'S BRINGING THE WORST OUT IN ME, THE DEPRESSION HAS COME BACK

I

2010-01-15T15:54:00.002+10:00

I want out, I want out of this fucking place,
There's nothing left to salvage nothing left to converse,
And when it leaves there is no hope of return,
No hope of salvation to rid this affliction.

This was meant to change everything, bring a new age;
A change of guard and a change of heart.
A renewed bond but physicality reigns.

Is this what I really want, is this making me content?
Is this what it's meant to be, is this is what to become of me?

I hate what I've become, I hate what I've become
Open my eyes and show me what it really means.

This is the end of everything.

OVER

2010-01-14T01:16:00.001+10:00

I HATE

2010-01-06T16:56:00.002+10:00

MYSELF

NAMELESS STREETS

2010-01-05T08:28:00.000+10:00

As a kid the summers seemed so long.
The dusk a never ending song.
Too much, too young. He'd never hear it again.

A walk through the dismal streets, the alleys where the junkies sleep.
Too much, too young.
"That will never be me."
Slow, hand in hand to the boardwalk's end.
His mother's words like the biting wind. "please don't leave me." He'll never hear them again.

"Keep quiet, stay out of sight."
Her sunken eyes that used to burn so bright. "Please don't leave me."
So he hid pressed against the wall, under stairs in the darkened hall.

The sound of heartbreak reminded him of home.

Shadows move slow across the floor, a minute seemed like a day or more.

The end of heartache when she opened the door.

the sights, sounds, smell of burnt out shame, pride, spite and love.
They all come here to die.
He sobs, "please take me a away. Please Mother bring us home safe on nameless streets the way we came."

Suddenly she prayed for better days and for redemption.
Sullenly she prayed to keep from harm's way and for conviction.
But there's no forgiveness here.
No hope beyond that pier.
No way to get out now, not for her in this dead end town.

And that drunk is waiting up, him and jack and the empty cup.
"Where you been? what you on? who'd you fuck?" One more drink to toast "good luck".

She gets a stiff hand from the old like the bourbon he's been drinking.

Black out.

CURSED

2009-12-28T22:20:00.001+10:00

The realisation that I still don't know what I'm doing here,
Put in perspective I am nothing,
It feels like something has been wasted, and I am fading
Time is growing against me as I grow tired of being
Just another soul spent searching for something inside,
I hate my fucking guts, I hate desire, I hate lust,
I hate humanity, I hate instinctively, I hate this fucking world for fucking hating me

The chasm in my chest
Screams of resounding emptiness
I've never tasted this bitterness
I never felt this solitude, worthlessness

So what great vision is this to sail amongst the vast indifference?
Accept a trail to hollow senses, where only tragedy breaks the numbness
So what great epiphany, will spell out beneath my feet?
Chain my wrists, and admit defeat, imprisoned by 'the clarity'
So is this destiny, a doubtful life, feeling empty?
Worst of all to make me guilty, blindest of the blind, telling me to see
I might hate this world, I might hate myself
But I wont be a wasted soul, another ghost like everyone else

I HATE

2009-12-27T00:39:00.000+10:00

EVERYONE

MERRY CHRISTMAS

2009-12-25T10:22:00.001+10:00

Have a great day :) enjoy time with your family, they are the best present.

HOBART

2009-12-22T22:28:00.001+10:00

2009-12-22T22:15:00.001+10:00

2009-12-22T22:11:00.000+10:00

CALOUNDRA

2009-12-22T20:36:00.000+10:00

AS THEY SAY

2009-12-22T19:41:00.003+10:00

"Everything has an end. Even young ladies in love cannot read their letters for ever."
(1841 Dickens Barnaby Rudge xx.)

As all good things come to an end one must accept the anguish that follows, it's a part of growing up. Tragedy, trauma, pain, they all teach us patience, passion and gratitude. For some a perfect world, a utopia would be ideal but when I think about it a brave new world is not what we need but total chaos. To teach us that everything we have we take for granted, we use and don't think about where and who it came from.

This society is too materialistic, I can see why people trade their reality for a game.
They're actually fighting for something.

TUESDAY

2009-12-01T20:40:00.005+10:00

Today is much like apex of a roller-coaster when it reaches the very top of the highest peak before it begins its thunderous roar down the tracks.

This is my last night in Brisbane for a few good weeks as tomorrow I jet-set to Hobart for the All-schools National Athletics competition until I return on the 9th of December. My mate and I have a flat to ourselves for the week that overlooks the Derwent River and we have a guitar and other various instruments to keep us occupied whilst we're down there.

As soon as I return I will be off to Caloundra for two weeks until the 20th of Decemeber, two weeks in heaven soaking up the sun, beach and good times. Hopefully some of the mates are free and able to come up for the day or two, who wouldn't wanna hit up the beach at Christmas time? It's un-Australian!

Upon returning to Brisbane will be my interview with the Apple store at Chermside for my position as a Specialist there, so I'm super excited about everything this month as things start to snowball.

Above everything else I've found a girl I really like and one I find myself wanting to know more about each and every moment spent together. She ticks all of the boxes of things I look for in a person and is just such a pleasure to be around, it feels as though we've been friends for ages. It's just easy to talk with each other and laughter is always involved.

Anyway that's enough about me, tell me about yourself dear reader!

THE FACTORY

2009-11-29T19:26:00.001+10:00

Welcome to the factory.
Where we churn out mass amounts of company.
Watch our underground films,
gritty pornographic low budget stills.
Going out even if you want to stay home,
Shadows and footsteps of people you don't know
The luggage under your eyes,
open long enough to see your star shine.

The show is a masquerade,
silly masks on to the road to fame
Your hopes and dreams,
fake courage behind the scenes
Fake smile, hidden rebel child
every truth backed with denial
At last there's an end
on this life behind the lens

A search light to the night
shake my teenage tears
into adult aches
crafting my greatest fears
Simple words never enough
photo shoots form a training ground
miles away from home

WE NEVER MADE IT

PLAY CRACK THE SKY

2009-11-29T14:16:00.000+10:00

We sent out the S.O.S. call.
It was a quarter past four, in the morning
When the storm broke our second anchor line.
Four months at sea. Four months of calm seas {only}
To be pounded in the shallows off the tip of Montauk Point.

They call 'em rows. They travel fast and alone.
One hundred foot faces of God's good ocean gone wrong.
What they call love is a risk,
'Cause you will always get hit
Out of nowhere by some wave
And end up on your own.

The hole in the hull defied the crew’s attempts,
To bail us out.
And flooded the engines and radio,
And half buried bow.

Your tongue is a rudder.
It steers the whole ship.
Sends your words past your lips
Or keeps them safe behind your teeth.
But the wrong words will strand you.
Come off course while you sleep.
Sweep your boat out to sea
Or dashed to bits on the reef.

The vessel groans
The ocean pressures its frame.
To the port I see the lighthouse
Through the sleet and the rain.
And I wish for one more day to give my
Love and repay debts.
But the morning finds our bodies washed up thirty miles west.

They say that the captain stays fast with the ship,
Through still and storm,
But this ain't the Dakota,
And the water's so cold,
{We} won't have to fight for long.

(This is the end.)
This story's old but it goes on and on until we disappear,
(This is the calm.)
Calm me and let me taste the salt you breathed while you were underneath,
(We are the risen.)
I am the one who haunts your dreams of mountains sunk below the sea,
(After the storm.)
I spoke the words but never gave a thought to what they all could mean,
(Rest in the sea.)
I know that this is what you want, a funeral keeps both of us apart.
(Washed up on the beach.)
You know that you are not alone, I need you like water in my lungs.

This is the end.

2009-11-27T23:49:00.000+10:00

NETWORK

2009-11-27T23:42:00.002+10:00

I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TVs while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be!

We know things are bad - worse than bad, They're crazy! It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone!' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone! I want you to get MAD! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad! You've got to say, "I'm a HUMAN BEING, GODDAMNIT! My LIFE has VALUE!!"

So, I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now, and go to the window, open it, and stick your head out and yell: "I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!!" I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!'

Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it: I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!

2009-11-27T12:24:00.001+10:00

UPDATES, I GUESS?

2009-11-27T12:11:00.002+10:00

Finished school and couldn't be happier, the conclusion of my schooling years marks the end of an era as it has been for every other 17 or 18 year old across the country. The transition was smooth and didn't really feel much different to that of holidays, eager!

Making the most of these celebrations I've been out and about every day this week hanging with mates who aren't at schoolies and just enjoying people's company. It's great I love it, hence why I'm making the most of it before full time work comes around in the new year ahah but I'm looking forward to that as Apple called me yesterday on the bus. The woman explained my application had be shortlisted for next years applicants as they already had enough staff for the Christmas holidays. So I've got my fingers crossed I'm one of those picked as it would be a dream come true!

The next few weeks are going to be intense as I leave for Hobart on Tuesday the 1st of December till the 9th for my last schools nationals. I will have an apartment all to myself and a mate for the week overlooking the Dermont River with a great book to read and a guitar to learn :)

As soon as I arrive home it's jet-setting time to the coast for family holidays at Caloundra, where the beach beckons my name every morning; two weeks in paradise. Then finally finishing the year with numerous extended family outings and lunches, gotta love having an Irish family...

Nice to spill my mind again, hope you keep reading whoever you are.
xxx

DROWN YOURSELF

2009-11-25T19:25:00.002+10:00

I'm lost in a world of thoughts I didn't think I wouldn't find myself in a hurry.
Torn between full steam ahead and motionless, caught in a hurricane that doesn't budge.
So many doors without keys to unlock them.
I thought you said this would be easy, I'm falling from the over-crowded cliff; one by one they jump.

Treasures locked deep are the masses' rations, thrown carelessly in handfuls to the ravenous mouth.
"Did it even mean that much to you, or was it for the mouth value?"
Maybe the value was even too much to keep those closest to you, to keep you to the closest.

Drown yourself with a bottle of time and a shot of gossip, tell all your friends; tell them all.

REVIVAL

2009-11-25T19:14:00.002+10:00

Hey guys sorry about the lack of posts, if anyone reads them that is aha.

Today was awesome as I had a lunch date with Vanessa where we were supposed to get married but that fell through :(
Sushi was on the menu and she shouted me which was extremely kind of her however I got her in trouble for being late off her lunch brake! Oops...

Following our deep conversation I traversed the city and eventually caught the bus to athletics training at St. Lucia. I was a rather early so found a soft patch of grass and drifted off for an hour listening to Brand New. Now I'm at home after a nice coffee with dad and shit is sweet :)

Let me know about your day!

NEW SONG

2009-10-18T15:52:00.000+10:00

My band Declaration have finally released our first song!
Check it out, leave us a comment :)

PERCEPTION

2009-09-29T00:12:00.004+10:00

I wish I knew what to make of all this, this mess this shattered glass of a relationship.
I was always taught to love with an open hand, I hope blind faith blesses with me clarity of thought.
If I can't love you as a lover, I will love you as a friend.
Please don't take advantage of a fallen lover, because no one will ever love you more than I have.

DECLARATION

2009-09-23T18:31:00.001+10:00

JAM SESSION

2009-09-20T19:37:00.002+10:00

Had our first jam session in the new practice space!
Was awesome, laid down a new song which should be up in the next week or two when my voice isn't wrecked :P
Check the photos out here: Declaration

OBSESSION

2009-09-16T15:43:00.005+10:00

As you can see I listen to Carpathian way (way) too much :)
Isolation is definitely the album of my adolescence, words and emotions from the core.

TITLE? WHO GIVES A SHIT

2009-09-14T12:17:00.004+10:00

This Friday the band and I are moving all the gear into our little oasis for the holidays, a soundproofed and fully air conditioned den for steamy hot males to rage about in. Tom's got his Ps so we can cart the tremendous amount of shit we all own and paid for (not) and get stuck into doing anything but practicing.

I'll probably end up recording a studio diary or some shit that actually makes us look 'like' a legit band. Most likely some embarrassing photos too!

I'll keep ya posted
xxx

NEW LOWS

2009-09-14T12:02:00.000+10:00

"Earlier this month the biggest ecstasy bust in world history happened in this city. Is it strange the feeling of disappointment I have as an Australian? Does the majority of the the population feel disappointment in having this milestone on our shoulders?
Do I care too much?

Obviously drug use is something I condemn personally, but surely when it gets to this level we, as a whole, have to realise that something is becoming increasingly wrong?

Currently I am sitting in bed listening to the rain wash away the alcohol, drug, blood, vomit and urine stains that line the streets of Richmond after the weekends social events…

For me personally it was even harder than usual to interact with old friends that I no longer see as the majority of them were too wasted to have even the beginnings of a conversation. The saddest part is I guess we originally grew apart over differences about drugs and drinking or how we should spend our time growing up or what ‘fun’ is. I know people think I’m in an eternal bad mood or boring or uptight but I would like to think that there is more to being young than this… I remember fun.

Maybe I grew up too fast and again, maybe I care too much." - Martin Kirby

NO ONE READS THIS RIGHT?

2009-09-07T23:08:00.002+10:00

Well to update you in the pointless updates and thoughts of my life exam block is here, so expect a 200% increase in me glued to this screen and way too much xbox (anything but study!). Umm we have a fully soundproofed room with air con for band practice all holidays :) way too excited for that however I think the boys are just as much as I am!

Saosin's new album is amazing, need to listen to it a few times but then those few turn into many; give it a listen!
Aaaand there's not much else to my life besides pointless blogging, IM, Myspace, Xbox, girlfriend and band.
Drop me a line, let's converse!

P.S I sound a lot more happier in those post than any other post combined.

WHAT DO YOU FEEL?

2009-09-05T17:43:00.002+10:00

I feel that the hardcore genre has given me so much over the time I've listened to it as a collective. And yeah I'm a little late on the era, but it's not difficult absorb something from it. It's not hard to see that the face of hardcore is changing, getting old with wrinkles forming. But it really comes down to what you get out of it, the ideas, the mates, the morals and the good times. Yeah we're macho males acting as tough as we can and to say the least we're lost and hardcore is the father figure.

You'll know the feeling I'm talking about when you go to a show with a band you listen to and those lyrics come out of their mouth. That tingling sensation and then the goosebumps follow, you close your eyes and you find yourself screaming in time with the words that mean so much to you; singing what you feel so passionate about.

SURREALISM

2009-08-31T07:00:00.004+10:00

Here's the link too: Cauchemar
Watch it in HQ :)

I DON'T

2009-08-23T19:14:00.003+10:00

I don't understand myself anymore; I've become distant with who I am and what I really stand for lately. The lines between moral and its opposite have blurred, should I or shouldn't I tell someone what to do because of my own beliefs? Or do I let them go?

It has become all too easy to associate with the tragedies and stories of the songs I listen to and I wonder will I ever shutdown and become another sheep in this society in which we belong. Yeah I may have everything I've ever needed but sometimes less is more, it's made me a worse person.

I'm afraid of myself.

I LIKE

2009-08-16T23:03:00.003+10:00

Sophie, blunt pencils, coffee, adventures to unknown places, cracking knuckles, singing to myself, Vans, thinking I can skate, taking photos, playing Xbox, listening to passionate music, spending time with best friends, deep philosophical conversations, attempting to answer ultimate questions, sudoku, kissing, good grammar, space and the universe, sober people, stars, the wilderness, foreign films, visual art and the helvetica font.

COUNTING

2009-08-08T15:11:00.002+10:00

The minutes until you are home.

I'VE REALISED

2009-08-04T20:30:00.002+10:00

That the chaotic and turbulent environment of a hardcore show can often be the most peaceful one. Just as music connects to everyone on their own emotional and spiritual level I feel as though nothing else matters when you're surrounded by like minded people. I mean you may not be able to put a face to a name but the energy is therapeutic, takes me away from everything...

SOMETIMES

2009-08-03T22:58:00.000+10:00

There's just nothing you can do.

UNTITLED

2009-08-03T22:20:00.001+10:00

Like a fucking bomb ticking my heart races the same,
I'm screaming my lungs out but no one responds to name.
I'm in the middle of the tempest where there is no shore,
I can't be sure what flag I'm waving anymore.

A FIRE IN MY HEART

2009-08-01T22:03:00.003+10:00

I can't for the life of me separate myself from this disdain and loathing of the hate of intoxicated people. Every time I hear about it and or witness it, it only makes me sick in the stomach; it creates a fire in my heart. I swear it will be the eventual breakdown of myself but it's something I can't rid my heart of. I can't sit here and watch this society fall into decadence otherwise it will be me falling. I suppose I have to just let it go, put it to the back of my mind and close my eyes. My music seems to be the only release these days...

FALL DOWN, NEVER GET BACK UP AGAIN

2009-07-18T13:38:00.002+10:00

"Out where the stones lay like bones by the ocean
Out where the waves crash contempt on the land
Someone was trembling for fear of the tempest
Somebody silently reached for their hand
Said, understand that if you're cold I'll keep you warm
And besides, there's so much beauty in a storm
So come down with me to the shore
And what's more, I adore you
So tell me, what is there to fear
You think some seraph up above is trying to rob us of our love
Because the sky's not clear
My dear, you know there's not
Now listen to the rain upon the rooftop
But the wind picked up

Out where the stones stand up like thrones beside the ocean
Out where the waves make a grave of the sea
The lovers struggled in the middle of the tempest
And water angrily crawled up onto the beach
Said, hold my hand and stay with me
We'll be released
But the tide clung like an anchor to her feet
And though he tried to make the water line recede
It pulled her out into the sea
He could not break apart the waves to bring her safely back in
He watched her hand break through the surface once
Then disappear again
Forever wait inside the sea for my, my dear
I hear you
You speak in every curling wave
And sing in every violent breeze
Someday not far away from here
My dear, I swear I'll see you
And we will hear the seraphs cry
For they will still envy you and I
How they envied you and I"

La Dispute, Somewhere At The Bottom Of The River Between Vega And Altair (2008)

BLACK SHEEP

2009-07-11T00:51:00.000+10:00

'I've watched so many run that it makes me feel numb when
I loose a good friend to another pointless trend.
I'm sick of superficial minds clogging the ears of our blind,
blind because they cannot see their own dismal routines.
No matter what is your label, we've got to turn all the tables before its too late.
and before we have the chance to state all the shit that is wrong with this society
in which we belong, where the privileged don't speak.
they're too busy fighting for their green.
This lack of hope has been jammed down my throat to the point
where I only care about impending air.
As I chocked up, all the words came out
and I finally heard all the shit you had been talking about.
You said I wouldn't last too long. well you're wrong.
I am the black sheep of this country because I won't buy what they sell me.
My friend, that's what this X means.
It's the symbol of all my beliefs.
It's the ink thats been used by this world to cross out my words
so they wouldn't hold and to crush my defiant thoughts.
but its only put a fire in my heart.
I can pick myself up when I'm down with this fire in my heart.'

The Effort, Iconoclasm (2008)

Routine

2009-07-10T15:43:00.001+10:00

The sun floods through the blinds,
one singular thought on everyone's minds.
Different routines but the same cause,
sometimes it gets so hectic you just want to hit pause.
In go the headphones to block the world's sound,
the calm before the storm is what I've found.

DOUBLE STANDARDS

2009-06-24T22:36:00.002+10:00

I ask you what's wrong but you never tell me, hangin' up with a grunt.
I get frustrated and leave for things to cool and I'm the worst person ever.
Sorry I didn't call at the right time, I would like to have talked to you.
Share your thoughts with me maybe? Maybe it might help you feel better?

STANDING HARD

2009-06-17T10:33:00.003+10:00

I can honestly say that I've learnt more than a thing or two from the one I love. I've learnt something about relationships but more importantly myself. It's so easy to start a fight or misinterpret the real intention behind a statement; it just goes to show how much we rely on body language to decode their thoughts.

A man I look up to once said that, "love isn't a walk in the park, it's fucking hard but you gotta push through that". He taught me that it isn't always going to be a honeymoon, and you have to put effort into love otherwise it fails, withers and dies. Love isn't a matter of life and death but it can certainly have that effect on some people; however it can help people to strive to be the best they can be. I have that love from someone I hold dearly, and I cannot thank her enough.

ALCOHOL

2009-06-15T20:45:00.003+10:00

Alcohol is the worst drug upon this planet. It is one of the main causes of death, violence and anti-social behaviour. It is the leading catalyst of preventable death in every developed country and kills more people than smoking and recreational drugs put together. Alcohol is a psychoactive drug, a depressant of the central nervous system; and to see what I've seen it cause only makes believe more that it is a plague.

Yeah a lot people say "I don't drink to excess" but for every person claims that there are 10 more that do. We need to wake the fuck up and learn to socialise instead of alcohol doing the talking for us. Just because everyone else drinks, does it mean you have to? If everyone jumped off a bridge would you jump too?

These are some pictures of car related deaths involving alcohol and drugs, however I warn you some of these are disturbing, please only look if you have a strong stomach.

http://www.consumershero.com/archives/1030
http://www.consumershero.com/archives/261
http://www.bestgore.com/road-accidents/porsche-girl-nikki-catsouras-carcrash-photos/

MYSPACE

2009-06-15T18:12:00.002+10:00

The concept of "PC4PC" is the most ridiculous and most self-indulgent agreement in all of Myspace. Yes, it is Myspace but what it represents is something far more. If people wanted to comment your pictures and tell you how stunning you are, or how cool your clothes are, they would. If they didn't know you uploaded a new picture they obviously don't want your updates then.

RELATIONSHIPS

2009-06-15T10:39:00.004+10:00

Having a relationship these past six months has brought about a lot of realisations for me. Not just emotions I've never felt, but experiences I'll never forget. Yeah you can have a relationship with someone but there is different levels of emotional connection as well as physical.

I like to catagorise them, so these are the types I believe exist:

the "girlfriend-boyfriend title" sort where you're just in it because you like to tell people you have a partner but never really spend time together
the "high school hook up" sort where you are just going out for the physical rewards and talk a little bit.
the "guardian angel" sort where you think that your partner is an angel in your eyes and you will love them to death and call them super cute names and write each other peoms.
and finally there is the "best friends" sort, where you and your partner are at that stage where you are completely comfortable with each other, you can talk about anything and not hold back, you can just hang and not have to say a word and felt like you've spent your time together perfectly, where you have way too many personal jokes to keep track of, and where you are both what I call in love. The realisation that you are just too compatible and you could spend everyday together and never feel sick of that person.

These are just some of the stereotypical ones I've come to see and experience. You might fit in to all of them, maybe even none but whatever you feel that love is, follow it.

FIRST TIMES

2009-06-14T21:06:00.004+10:00

There's a first time for everything in this world, both physical and emotional.
Some bad, some good, some fantastic, some you just never want to experience again. The twelfth of June had to be one of the most memorable moments of my life, however I'm afraid I can't tell you the details. Maybe you can guess what it is? Maybe it doesn't really matter. Thanks to her I see things differently, I see things with fresh eyes; helped me to overcome a lot of things. If I could marry her now, I would.

Parents, teachers or friends are always describing certain experiences and sometimes exaggerate them. But one thing is for sure, and that's you can never truly know unless you do it yourself. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if they never occurred, would I be a different person because of it?

I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for all of the experiences, people and places I've come into contact with. And so for that very reason I am so very content with who I am today. I am happy because I have a roof over my head, a supportive family, a soul mate and a set of friends I would go to kingdom come for.

FINALLY WINTER

2009-06-10T17:59:00.000+10:00

WAKE UP

2009-06-07T14:11:00.001+10:00

"Fuck all you emotional sooks. Fuck your retarded brains for thinking it is cool to live a life of depression. Go for a walk in a cancer ward in a hospital and see real pain. See real depression. Watch family's lose their loved ones for real. You're not "isolated" you're not "lost" you are full of shit. You are sitting behind your $2000 Macbook in your parents house rent free begging for attention. Depression is not cool. Feeling down and out is not a fashion. Snap the fuck out of it. Your Mums got your dinner waiting for you fresh on the table." - Mitch, xThe Warx

Draw your own conclusion.

CYCLES

2009-06-06T10:02:00.002+10:00

They fight, they get angry, they kiss, they make up.

ON THE BIRD IN THE CAGE

2009-06-05T16:28:00.003+10:00

I'm not sure if it's jealousy or insecurity, maybe even both.
To be afraid of another man superior in admirable qualities than yourself.
What do you do?
I will always know I'll love you better than him.

WHERE DID I GO WRONG?

2009-06-03T01:25:00.002+10:00

NAIVE

2009-05-28T22:54:00.001+10:00

Call me naive but who says one can't love at this age?
I've found a girl who sees me just like everyone else,
but she has taken my armour off and found what lies within.

It's my nature trust easily but she has redefined my definition
of trust completely. I look back on days gone and wonder what
this year would have been like without her; nothing comes to mind.

We live too shorter lives not to love, if not to live in service for another
then what is the point of living at all?
I enjoy every moment of her company and our friendships grow day
in day out, so all I wish to do is thank for the ultimate gift of friendship.
Everything else she has given me is icing on the cake.

SLEEPING SICKNESS

2009-05-24T23:09:00.002+10:00

The only person I want, I need right now is the only person I can't have.
Hopefully this galleon of sleep will take me to where she is.
Against the eb and flow of the ocean, they say drowning is peaceful.
I'll just follow your star like the lighthouse by the pier.
Sleep is where I'm always with you.

COMING TOGETHER

2009-05-24T17:09:00.002+10:00

Well I've finally got a band together and we've recorded one demo track with four more on the way! I've got a course for photography in my sights and all the worry I've been having is dissipating. Like pulling thread and the fabric coming together I think I might make it. I guess being naive is better than nothing at all, because I don't want to fade to black.

The only thing chaining me to the ground is school, but it's a double edged sword as I need it to get into my course... Just gotta ride this tsunami into shore, gotta keep afloat, gotta keep breathing.

When you've got everything to lose

2009-05-15T22:42:00.002+10:00

I've finally found a goal to work towards, and I couldn't be happier. I'm hoping to get into a diploma of photoimaging at the Southbank Institute of TAFE. Thankfully the prerequisites are a decent portfolio which I know I can nail. It's two years full time at night so I'm going to try and start it in 2011. School is still fucked up and so hypocritical, all they do is focus their attention on the exterior and the physical instead of the teaching and quality of the teachers. I'm clawing at the door to get out...

On the other hand I'm afraid to be alone, because I'm allowed to think. To be honest I've been taking one of the closest people to me for granted. This society is about security and with security comes comfort; when this happens we start taking things for granted. I hope to never make this mistake again, although I'm the last person I'd trust.

Passenger Seat

2009-05-11T22:40:00.001+10:00

'A constant feeling of motion,
Trees move by as fast as life.
Window rolled down,
Wind caressing my hair.
Nothing matters anymore,
I just smile.'

Sun Heights

2009-04-27T12:59:00.004+10:00

'In the shadow of the greatest man, I feel naked, the lonely one, untouched by the rising sun.'

For the past few weeks I've just wanted to give up on school and go out and do my own thing but if I was granted that would what I do? I look up to Martin Kirby and I aspire to be like him, he's human he's worldly unlike these so called 'stars' who sing songs about materialistic values and sexism towards women.
Also I see people who are attending school and achieving great things, creating street magazines, getting noticed for their artwork and getting a name for themselves. However I seem to think this is all going to happen over night and I just can't seem to find the motivation to take my interests and talents further. I'm just lazy and lack ambition realistically and it's a disease because like a weed it spreads to other aspects of my life. Where did I go wrong to develop such a hindering habit?
I feel as though nothing explains it better than: 'Two ways to choose, On a razor's edge, Remain behind, Go straight ahead. Room full of people, room for just one, If I can't break out now, the time just won't come'.

BLACK & WHITE

2009-04-27T07:56:00.002+10:00

Excited about finally finishing my black and white roll of film for my Minolta XG-1 and so I take it down to Big W to get it developed. The attendant takes my roll and my name explaining it will be ready at 2pm. Returning at 2pm the guy there says was yours the black and white roll? Replying with a yeah he says 'Oh I'm sorry our machines don't do true black and white'. My shoulders slumped and I walked away. RAGE

Uncertainty

2009-04-25T21:29:00.001+10:00

'Another restless soul, bound in direction of white lines
Sleepless nights and a sleepless mind.
Dying since the beginning,
Cold streets harbour cold habits.
Uncertainty is what you'll find
Wandering deserts with ghosts.'

DIRECTIONLESS

2009-03-29T17:59:00.002+10:00

She probably won't hang around with me too long after school, we'll have each other but then she'll realize I'm going nowhere fast. I'm unmotivated, directionless and lazy, what sort of a person would want to spend their life with that? I can love, be affectionate but I won't be able to provide, hopefully that doesn't matter to her. I like to day dream that the jobs I want, I'll eventually get but like I said it's just a dream. I'd like to prove that I can get there, but everything I've ever picked up I gave it away when it got too hard. Some days of the week I feel like not waking up, some days I couldn't be anymore optimistic but it's probably cause I'm still dreaming.

PROCRASTINATION

2009-03-29T16:35:00.002+10:00

Every time I try to start or continue these assignments for school my mind wanders off to thoughts of things I'd rather be doing. My mind is sitting on a razors edge with two ways to turn, do I not try at all and pursue what I'd rather be doing or do I do them to achieve what the school, my parents, or society wants me to do? In a world where were people tell you, you have to do things you don't want to do in order to get higher in this 'pecking order'. But if you look closely it's the same in every culture: kings, queens, mayors, presidents and laborers, farmers, postmen. So there is no escaping 'It', 'The Man', 'Life'.
Even if you could do what you wanted every day, would you still want to do it?

I LOOK INSIDE MYSELF

2009-03-20T12:37:00.002+10:00

And I feel out of place, like hexagon in a square.
I look for people to associate myself with as a
natural human instinct to assimilate oneself.
We're all conformists unfortunately because we're
not Isaac Newtons we're not William Wallaces.
Hopefully it's my integrity and open mind that
sets me apart, set me apart from the ropes that
tie me down. But I wouldn't have it any other way
because I wouldn't be who I am today.

AT THIS POINT IN TIME

2009-03-19T17:17:00.002+10:00

I've come to the realization that the world developed habits
beyond repair. And the majority our society just doesn't want
to deal with it until is suits them, which is too late. I don't
have a personal vendetta against alcohol because it's not the
substance that is the problem, it's the people using it.
There are just so many reasons why it's bad though, because
it's the worst drug out it's the leading cause of preventable death
in the world. As much as I want to escape this reality, it's not going
to happen so here's to the 21st Century.

On another note hopefully I am able to traverse this world on my own
two feet and witness is with my own two eyes because I don't know
how much longer it's going to last.

PATRICK'S DAY

2009-03-18T19:20:00.002+10:00

When I think of pride I think of heritage,
A bloody history against oppression.
Irish luck from days of old,
Locked inside is a pot of gold.

We came on boats of blood and wood,
in search of something, something real.
Braving depths of the Pacific,
not knowing what to feel but
a better life was the deal.

Never looking back only forward
into the unknown, the unexpected.
You gotta live like you're gonna die,
we started dying the day we started crying.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO CALL THIS ONE

2009-03-16T16:01:00.003+10:00

Today went extremely quickly, you know those kind of days where it's the
end of the day but feels like only an hour? Yeah one of those ones.
Also I have this urge inside of me at the moment where I just want to pack a
pair of jeans, shirts and take my camera and skateboard and just leave to
explore anywhere and everywhere. Naive I know, but hey I'm allowed to dream!
It's gotten so bad the thoughts in my head about what I want to do just wont
allow me to sleep. Exam block next week and finish term one the week after,
I'm seriously looking forward to holidays so much. Just getting up and catching
the bus or train or anything I can find to go where ever I want.
Sorry just wasted a minute of your life :)

LOST AT SEA

2009-03-13T22:56:00.002+10:00

My folks tell me I won't make a living out of photography or art,
but I'll show them one day that I can walk tall and take some initiative.
They tell me if I fuck up in school I fuck up my life.

SHAVE FOR A CURE

2009-03-13T18:27:00.002+10:00

Raised $1700

WANDERER'S GUILD

2009-02-27T21:15:00.003+10:00

I want to travel with my mates, playing music that we love singing about what we feel deep down in our heart. Playing to people just like us, and if we can just inspire them to do something good for themselves or someone else well then we've spread our message. But it might not even be that they do something good but it gives the strength when they might not have any.
I want to wander the world.

THE CLOCK KEEPS TICKING

2009-02-25T07:36:00.001+10:00

And so I turn seventeen, the number after sixteen :)
Can't wait to see the family, hope you guys have a great day!
Much love xxx

CHAMPAGNE TO MY REAL FRIENDS

2009-02-21T23:06:00.004+10:00

I take great pity in the people who believe they are better than another person and feel the need to shun or act condescendingly. It's really shows your immaturity when you ignore greetings and talk down to other people. It's rather humorous in the end because I know you'll end up with sham friends who don't have your back and hang around you for the fad image, and when that disappears so will they.
So don't expect my friendship if that is you.

PICTURES

2009-02-16T18:24:00.001+10:00

LIKE ROSES

2009-02-03T16:25:00.002+10:00

Life is like a dandelion clock, it floats whichever way you blow it.

Too easily we are caught up in the throws of day to day life,

feeling stressed and beat down because we didn't get to do what

we wanted or something to quench our own desires.

Don't become a priest and drastically change your life, just do

the little things well.

Stick to your guns, and stick to what you know is right.

SUNRISE

2009-01-29T18:49:00.003+10:00

2009 brings new friends, new places, and new experiences.

This year brings the end of my schooling and a new leaf of

my life and so I'm trying my best to put a positive step

forward towards life after school!

I'll be taking as many photos, drawing as many drawings,

and living as much as I can over this year making sure I

don't have any regrets. This is an affirmation of me.

STICK TO YOUR GUNS

2009-01-11T10:14:00.004+10:00

Yes I know I'm late to the band wagon but my mates just got me into them!

Check out their myspace and this video

WAKE UP

2009-01-11T10:01:00.002+10:00

Wake up, open your eyes,

pull back the curtain, surprise!

Push back the political spoon,

be ready to draw on high noon.

They're slaggin' nerve gas,

be ready to hold fast.

CLOUDS

2009-01-06T20:50:00.004+10:00

Hollowness resounds inside this chasm,

attempting to hold onto what was never there.

Lost in a sea of insecurity the waves crash over me,

the light flickers through the ageless blue.

I'm looking towards the sky yet I'm still drowning,

wishing I was upon the ships of the sky.

Only in my dreams I am granted to fly.

THE NEW YEAR

2009-01-02T11:26:00.002+10:00

And so another vicious cycle begins.

Hard work and a lot of fun, in order

to have fun you've got do the hard work

to enjoy the fun.

Enjoy your new years, make the most of everyday.

SANTA

2008-12-25T11:20:00.001+10:00

Merry Christmas to all who read this, may you have a lovely Christmas

however you may celebrate it. Enjoy spending time with the family.

With all my love, xxx

YOU CANT COUNT THIS ONE ON YOUR FINGERS

2008-11-23T09:58:00.002+10:00

After all this time,

I still don't know what I'm doing here.

What I've done, not worth a dime,

Who I'm growing into, is what I fear.

A journey like a winding river,

contemplating the future makes me shiver.

A galleon in the pacific,

going no where in specific.

HORIZONS

2008-11-16T22:28:00.002+10:00

Sheer white sheets now blood spattered,
the words you said, I'm not flattered.

I'm afraid you brought the plagues,
because greed is blind, nothing you will find.

Unclench and embrace,
the vice of death you must face.

Bring this horizon swift and fast,
impermanence at last.

DEMISE

2008-11-15T11:55:00.002+10:00

Time and time again your voice rings,

hollow words echo inside me.

Your fangs sunk deep and devoured what was,

every solitary moment is plagued by what you've done.

Why couldn't you leave me be?

NO, you left me for the wolves.

Now you are you're own demise,

take your guilt and leave, BITCH!

HOLLOW WORDS

2008-11-12T15:44:00.005+10:00

For months you filled my ears with sweet nothings,
and just like you, none of them stayed.

After every intimate encounter you made me feel worthless,
like a black widow, you sucked the life outta me!

The fabric of our relationship had frayed,
and you tore the last strand.

So here's to us princess, you sorry waste of a soul.

Now fuck this shit, GO!

ISOLATION

2008-11-03T21:51:00.007+10:00

Overflowing with hatred, I cannot contain me, I erupt
I feel violent, volatile, on the verge of destruction
So lost inside myself, it resonates this beating against my head and heart
So lost inside myself, it isolates as routine bites hard

This downward spiral, this endless circle, this solitude
I am nothing, I am permanence.